In Ireland, the “I don’t drink” issue comes up more often than in America. Drinking is part of the Irish national culture. In fact, Ireland ranks #4 in the world for alcohol consumption per capita. (America ranks 43rd. The top three are Uganda (!), Luxembourg, and the Czech Republic.)
Usually, I say “No thanks, I don’t drink,” and that’s that. But this time, I was met with a curious and interested “How come?” from two friends, and the answer turned out to be far more interesting than I expected.
Here’s how the conversation went.
(Notice how my friends mostly played the roles of cardboard cutout dogs.)
I stopped drinking 4 years ago because it felt like a Good Thing To Do.
Why?
I guess I feel like abstaining from alcohol is aligned with my spiritual path.
Why?
I guess I have this image, this role model, of a spiritual guru, someone I want to be like spiritually. Someone like the Dalai Lama, Eckhart Tolle, Hiro Boga, Mark Silver, or Pam Slim.
Wait a minute, do I even know whether these people drink? I’m pretty sure the Dalai Lama doesn’t, but why do I assume that the others don’t? (For your edification, Eckhart does drink, but Pam, Mark, and Hiro do not. In fact, Hiro drinks nothing but water and herbal tea.)
Hey, it’s circular! I have this image of a spiritual guru and role model, and my imaginary role model doesn’t drink, so if I think of someone I admire spiritually, I assume they don’t drink.
How to break out of this circle? Maybe I can figure out where my image of a spiritual guru came from.
Let’s see, who were my spiritual role models 4 years ago, when I stopped drinking?
Ah. My ex. My ex, whom I looked up to spiritually, who strongly disapproved of drinking, and whose approval I sought desperately. Remember all the times I attempted to completely change who I am so I could be compatible with her? Hmm… maybe this is yet another example of me changing who I was to try to gain her approval.
If that’s the case, then my image of a spiritual role model isn’t really my image at all — it’s hers.
How about I completely ditch that old stale guru image that wasn’t really mine at all. How about I think about my own spiritual path, Pace’s path, the Pace of the present, and see what I feel called to?
And that’s what I did. I threw away my old envisioning of “The Right Way” to do spirituality. I threw away my guru-based “shoulds”. I meditated on what spiritual path I feel called to. I listened to my heart.
This is what my heart said.
“Yo, rest-of-Pace. Here’s the skinny. Our spiritual path is to seek reunion with Source. As for alcohol, it’s kind of a crutch, but at least it gets you out of your head and into me. It’s totally fine for practice, but it isn’t a long-term solution or anything. Also, I love you.”
The next day, I drank a pint of Guinness in an Irish pub and thoroughly enjoyed it. I got surprisingly tipsy; apparently 4 years of no drinking lowers one’s tolerance!
So I guess a more accurate title would have been “A teetotaler changes her mind and drinks a pint of Guinness”, but hey, Irish Guinness is pretty darn good, so I don’t mind the implication. (:
The moral of the story
The simplest way to personal growth is to Ask yourself why.
Don’t count on your two curious friends to ask you why. Ask yourself. Write down your answer, if it helps you to work it out. Question. Examine. Journal.
Simply asking yourself why can get you out of a years-long rut.
Think of one thing you might be doing because of someone else’s reasons, or because of old stale reasons.
Ask yourself why.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
apparently 4 years of no drinking lowers one’s tolerance!
Totally. I’ve picked up a little buzz from smelling strong spirits. ;-)
It’s so true- one needs to make ones own commitment. I took on the commitment to not drink when I took hand with my sheikh in my Sufi lineage. But that’s my lineage and my commitment.
I’m glad you enjoyed the Guinness. :)
.-= Mark Silver´s last blog ..Stopping the Cycle of Violence in Business =-.
I ask everyone why. Why this? Why that? Then I realized I should ask myself the same question.
I’ve spent a great deal of time in the past year or two asking myself why. Why I react the way I do. Why I think certain things. Why I have certain beliefs, why certain values are important to me, why I like certain people and why I dislike others, why I do the things I do and why I think they’re good or bad for me.
I’ve grown. A lot. I’m not the same person I was five years ago, and quite frankly, I’m pretty secure now in who I am – and I like that person.
Why’s powerful indeed.
.-= James Chartrand – Men with Pens´s last blog ..The Princess Bride Guide to Copywriting =-.
Very interesting story, Pace. I stopped drinking around five years ago. It wasn’t really to please my drsweetie, but it’s something we have in common now. I’m also a vegetarian, and about half of that *was* to please dr.
But both of those things felt really good when I made the change, and they still do.
Still, wow. I’m gonna have to think about this.
.-= Mark W. “Extra Crispy” Schumann´s last blog ..Perfection is the enemy =-.
@James: I like that person too. (:
@Crispy Mark: May the percolating whys bring you insight!
So it sounds like we need our inner 2 year old to come out to play WAY more often. They seem to have an infinite capacity for ‘why.’
.-= Jennifer “Scraps” Walker´s last blog ..Doctor, Doctor 20 =-.
@Jennifer: TOTALLY. As well as an infinite capacity for wonder, which is also a beautiful thing.
That’s interesting, because I don’t drink either and when I tried a sip of Guinness in the spirit of being in an Irish pub, I thought it tasted like cough syrup and I wouldn’t have any more! I don’t drink because I think alcohol smells bad and tastes worse. Also my family is full of alcoholics, so I never see anything good come of drinking. But it’s good to question one’s own assumptions. :)
What a lovely story. I’m so glad you asked why, and I’m glad you got an answer. :-) Bottoms up!
@Sea: My family has some alcoholism in it too, but I seem to have luckily avoided that gene. Or else the most-alcohol-tastes-horrid gene shows up to save the day. (:
That’s very powerful. I find it interesting when I go and visit my family, that I can notice where I got some of my opinions and preferences from: I’ve “inherited” them from my family.
Some of them I have realised I don’t want (like my mum’s complete dislike of people eating with their mouth open), and I have been trying (in that case unsuccessfully, so far) to readjust my opinions to something that makes sense to me.
One thing that struck me about the statement from your inner heart is that alcohol is still tied to spirituality, just that now instead of being an impediment it’s an acceptable crutch. For me personally, drinking alcohol has no special spiritual significance at all, except in the way that any experience in this world does. For me drinking is just a fun thing to do with other people. Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, I see myself as a completely unspiritual person, so my perspective my be unusual.
Your obedient servant,
A Dog
@Charles: A completely unspiritual person? I noted that during the conversation, you described yourself as “an almost entirely unspiritual person”, and I’m quite curious as to the teeny remaining bit, if any. As an aside, I don’t think it’s that unusual to be completely unspiritual — I think most atheists would describe themselves as such, and there are plenty of atheists around. (:
I really feel you on this. For a long, long time my brother and I both had a strong aversion to alcohol. Watching what it did to our father and then how he acted with us…as far as we were concerned, alcohol was HAZARDOUS.
But coming to the point of being o-k with it could only come when we realized that we were not our dad and that we would be fine if we’re careful.
To this day, Sean is all about the Guinness while I prefer an Amaretto Sour.
Good for you!!
I know this is not the point of your article, but I don’t drink alcohol either and everyone always asks why not. The answer: I don’t like the taste. Nothing medical or moral and I don’t judge anyone for drinking, there’s just no no match between alcohol and my taste buds. Next question: that is impossible, have you tried this, or this, or that? Not liking alcohol is apparently not acceptable / too odd a concept to grasp. So these days I just say what I would like to drink without adding that I don’t drink alcohol. Who needs the extra information anyway?
Good for you, though, to question your own motivations for not drinking. Sometimes, the reasons for our behaviour no longer apply and many people never know because they don’t keep questioning themselves.
“Why am I doing this?” and “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” are two handy questions to keep in your back pocket at all times.
.-= Sheila´s last blog ..Word Art: Star Light Star Bright =-.
You are right on with asking “Why” ! That is the best way to get down into your stories to see if they are true for you or not.
my brother and I had an interesting awareness around drinking. We were both big drinkers until about 10 years ago. I never thought about my drinking behavior…sure…i suffer thru the occasional hangover and being fried at work because i had been out partying the night before…but I thought that it was normal to do that. The people I hung out with did…I worked in restaurants and clubs for a long time. When i started down the path to self-awareness and started hanging out with new people, I began to notice that there were some people who did not drink at all…..or very little. Who were these people??? Around this time my brother and i had a conversation about this and he was noticing the same thing. You see we grew up in a house hold where my parents and all their friends drank a lot. My memories of childhood were Back yard BBQ’s with picnic tables full of 1/2 gallon jugs of vodka…and variety or other kinds of alcohol.
We just thought that was how you drank…that that was what you did.
It was weird…we had learned that behavior from our parents.
So once the light of awareness was shining on me, i stopped drinking so much. Now I barely drink at all…..mostly because I like to be clear headed and focused.
I will say I like a bit of good tequila every now and then…….but I get drunk fast.
Rock on Pace!
Leah
.-= Leah´s last blog ..Self doubt and being different =-.