I’m bad at a lot of things.
I’m bad at common household tasks that most people take for granted.
I’m bad at logistics.
I’m bad at “common sense.”
I’m bad at caretaking.
I’m bad at vacuum cleaners.
I once bought a new vacuum cleaner because the old one stopped working. I didn’t know that the vacuum bag needed to be changed.
Internal critic: You are such a putz. That’s just common sense, you idiot. How could you have not known that?
That’s not fair, critic. Common sense is just knowledge that people are bad at explaining.
No one ever teaches you common sense, they just expect you to somehow pick it up as you go. That’s not my learning style. I’m great at learning things when people explain them to me, but I often don’t notice patterns that are obvious to most people. And that’s okay.
Now I know that vacuum cleaner bags need to be changed. Each time I slip on a bit of “common sense”, I learn it and remember it. It’s okay for me to not know things that no one ever taught me.
I hear that it’s easy and obvious to you, critic. But “common sense” is hard for me. And it’s okay for it to be hard for me.
I’m bad at batteries.
Many years ago, I stopped using my Palm Pilot because it was too hard for me to constantly change the batteries.
Internal critic: You are so lame. Changing the batteries? That’s such a simple task it’s ridiculous for you to avoid it. You’re lazy and you suck.
I hear that changing batteries is easy for you, critic. It’s hard for me. And it’s okay for it to be hard for me.
I’m bad at scheduling.
I often avoid spending time with friends because scheduling a time to hang out fills me with dread.
Internal critic: What is your problem? You just pick a time that’s free and suggest it. What’s so hard about that? Just get over it.
I hear that scheduling is easy for you, critic. It’s hard for me. And it’s okay for it to be hard for me.
I’m bad at caretaking.
Taking care of Kyeli these past few weeks has been very difficult and stressful for me.
Internal critic: Oh, get over yourself. She hardly needs any help. All you have to do is a few errands, a couple of chores, and occasionally bring her food. Since you love Kyeli, you need to love taking care of Kyeli, too. You want to help her and be there for her, right?
Of course I do. And I will. But it’s hard for me. I hear that it’s easy for you, critic, but it’s hard for me. And it’s okay for it to be hard for me.
I’m bad at playing the violin.
There are a million things I’m bad at. Some of them, like the ones I’ve mentioned so far, I’m bad at because they don’t come naturally to me. All of them I’m bad at because I haven’t yet put in the effort required to get good at them.
I’m bad at playing the violin, but I don’t care. My internal critic doesn’t care, either. I’m bad at playing the violin because I haven’t practiced it enough to get good — in fact I’ve never practiced it. And that’s okay.
If I can accept that I’m bad at playing the violin, I can accept that I’m bad at anything! It’s all the same — it’s all a matter of choosing not to put in the hours/days/months/years it would take to become good at it.
How to be awesome while still being bad at lots of things
I could choose to put in the effort to become good at the things I’m bad at. For some, it would take emotional effort — self-work to unravel my resistance. For others, it would take a lot of effortful practice.
Or I could work smarter, not harder.
I could create clever systems and infrastructure to let me avoid the hard things altogether, and focus on my strengths instead. I could ask others (e.g. Kyeli) for help with the things I’m bad at.
It’s okay to be you, just the way you are.
Regardless of whether I choose to struggle with the things I’m bad at, get better at them, or avoid them entirely, it’s okay to be me. It’s okay to be me, just the way I am, good at all the things I’m good at and bad at all the things I’m bad at.
What are you bad at?
Repeat after me: It’s hard for me. And it’s okay for it to be hard for me.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s hard for me. And it’s okay for it to be hard for me.
Thank you.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last blog ..Everyday Delight 6 – 27 Colours Edition =-.
Oooh. I love questions that I can answer so easily. I too am bad at caretaking. And just about anything housework related. I have no sense of direction, so I’m bad at finding my car in parking lots, finding my way out of office buildings with hallways and driving to unfamiliar places. And I can’t answer people when they ask weird things like: which direction does your living room window face?
I’m also bad at small talk, dressing myself, doing “things” with my hair and applying makeup. I decided that only one of those things is worth putting any energy into getting better at.
It’s OK to be me. It’s OK to be bad at stuff. I’m gonna make a poster and put that on the wall in front of my desk. Thanks for this!
.-= Patty K´s last blog ..A glimpse into life without social anxiety =-.
This is such a great way of looking at things Pace! I’m bad at cleaning and doing dishes. Because I never really tried seriously. Since I’ve been intentionally doing these things it’s gotten much better and easier too. :)
By the way, I dreamed that you came to Toronto to visit. Maybe you’re good at booking flights in my subconscious! ;)
.-= Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..Raw Dog Food- What is this BARF Diet thing =-.
Easy question!
I am bad at:
- making too many plans because what if that day, I don’t want to do what I’ve already planned to do?
- talking to parents. I’m a teacher, so that kinda sucks.
- housework/yardwork – no fun. Love it when it’s done and would happily let other people do it.
.-= tami´s last blog ..Song of the Day! =-.
I’m bad at keeping the house clean. I’m REALLY bad at staying on-topic in talks. I’m bad at talking slow, I’m bad at not being distracted.
Also, Pace – reading this list of things you’re bad at made me think “I should hang out with them more, they’re so much fun!” ;)
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Goals goals goals =-.
After 3PM, I’m bad at some things I was OK at before 2PM. I’m OK with this. I plan my day with this in mind, and don’t beat myself up about it.
I’m bad at getting things out of my space that I no longer need. I’m trying to get some practice at it. :)
I’m bad at making phone calls. When I’m actually on the phone, I get things done effectively, but it’s incredibly stressful for me, so I delegate as many phone calls to someone else as I can get away with.
I’m bad at changing tasks. I’m OK at it if I complete a task, going to another one is fine *then*. It’s when I’m mid-task and am asked to switch tasks that I’m bad at it, and sometimes am unable to complete the interrupted one later.
I’m bad at vacuuming. Well, I’m bad at getting out the vacuum cleaner to do the vacuuming after I’ve done enough tidying that it’s *possible* to vacuum. I try to get someone else to follow with the vacuum cleaner after I’ve done the tidying.
I’m bad at explaining my limitations calmly to someone who is asking me to go too far beyond them when they don’t have a clue that’s what they’re doing.
I’m bad at putting away the clean laundry in a timely manner. There’s a basket of blankets and such that’s been sitting around, most of it *folded*, for over 6 months now.
And, from the sounds upstairs, I’m bad at enforcing bedtime. Gotta go!
Thanks for this one, Pace! It made me feel a lot better :-)
Like Julia, I’m bad at phone calls. I’m fine when I’m actually *on* the phone and actualyl sorta enjoy myself, but if I know I have a call coming up (even a teeny short one), it hangs over my whole day.
I’m bad at gardens. I just don’t care about gardening. I’ve told my lovely fiance, Paul, that the garden is his domain and he can do what he likes with it.
I’m bad at listening to music. I rarely find anything I like. When I do find something I like, I can listen to it pretty obsessively. (Metallica for the past two years…)
I’m bad at cleaning. It’s a combination of not liking doing it and not knowing how to do it well.
I’m bad at finding my way places. I’m bad at anything involving directions. Whatever bit of my brain does directions seems to have gone AWOL. I can’t turn objects in my head (once Paul and I had a half-hour debate on which way round our flat was compared with the flats on the ground floor. I had it wrong in my head and it unsettled me for AGES! And Paul just couldn’t get how I could have it wrong.)
I’m glad that you reminded me it’s OK to be bad at things, even things which everyone else seems to be able to do. (I’m good at lots of things, too, and I’d rather spend my time doing the things I’m good at than worrying about the things I’m not very good at!)
.-= Ali Hale´s last blog ..When Overwhelm Hits Hard =-.
@Chris: Yay! You’re welcome.
@Patty_K: The only reason I can answer questions like that is because I’m pagan, so I started paying attention to what direction things face. I would have had no clue either until I started practicing. Big yay for your poster!
@Nathalie: That’s the most fun way to book a flight that I can think of! (; I hope my dream self had a great visit! Miss you!
@Tami: I have that too-many-plans thing too. This helps me a bit.
@Michelle: LOL! You enjoy hanging out with people who are bad at things? (:
@Ali: It makes me happy that we both just wrote posts that helped each other. *hug*
I’m also bad at caring – it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I have a hard time knowing the right things to say. I’m also bad at patience, playing guitar, and tolerating a dirty floor. The biggest “bat at” for me is keeping down the occasional rushes of senseless anger at the tiniest things. That, I’m working on. The rest are okay. My inner critic (the Evil Auctioneer (hattip to Dianne Sylvan)) doesn’t actually bug me that much about them. That last one, though, has got to be fixed. I’m tired of feeling out of control inside whenever I pick up one pair of underwear in the living room too many!
And also – flaws are good. They’re what make us human and keep us learning. If you weren’t bad at anything, that would be SO WEIRD.
Finally, I would be more than happy to help with vacuuming or dishes, should you need it. <3
.-= Ellie Di´s last blog ..Sunday Poetry- The Road Not Taken =-.
@ Ellie — as long as you DON’T say, “I know how you feel,” any expression of sympathy is OK. Being honest and saying, “I don’t know what to say, except that I care” will likely be accepted by most folks. Also, any offer of specific help (like you did there!) may be a very good thing, if someone is in a situation where they need the help. (Conversely, if you need help, asking very specifically for what you need is more likely to get you help from the helpful people than being vague about it. There are people who will be able to help with one thing, but not another, and if you’re specific about what you need help with, they can be specific back — “I can come over and do your dishes, but I can’t vacuum” at least lets you know that there’s someone out there who will do the dishes.)
I’ve read this post before but I think it’s sinking in more this time.
I’m bad at not trying to fix things. Even things that can’t or needn’t be fixed, or that the person didn’t actually didn’t really WANT fixed…While frequently useful, this tendency can put the fear-o-god in people, and leaves me feeling a bit guilty and worried I’m over-reacting.
(example – a friend hated his job and said he didn’t know how to leave, and I said “oh, I’ll help”, and he was so worried about the gleam in my eye and what I’d do to get him fired that he quit within the week. Entertaining? Yes. Supportive? Possibly not.)
It’s hard for me not to instantly try to help. It’s OK for this to be hard for me. And, it’s totally worth the effortful practice in being more…temperate. Sensitive. Not rushing to try to fix things.
Other things, I embrace the bad-at. The world will not end because I cannot iron straight creases in, well, anything really. Or because I cannot play a single musical instrument.
Thank you. Permission is very powerful.
You’re welcome!
You’ll get more on this in Mission #29, too.