I followed a river of serendipity:
I read “Eat Mangoes Naked” by SARK.
In it, she wrote about her friend, Andrea, who makes Superhero necklaces, and writes and posts awesome pictures in her blog.
Andrea’s blog had a nifty guest post by Jen Gray – a video post wherein she dances in various boots and shoes.
It’s beautiful, utterly beautiful.
And through this river of serendipity, I had a personal epiphany. Isn’t it neat when that happens? Bonus epiphany!
I’ve always tried to compartmentalize myself.
I try to smoosh into one box or another. When I’m in barefoot hippie mode, I resent my ass-kicking-boots-wearing punk. When I’m feeling goth, I resent my secret inner folk singer. I wear black or earth tones, flowers or boots; never a combination.
But the real kicker is shame. I feel ashamed of various sides of myself when I’m outwardly being the opposite. Hippie-me is ashamed of goth-me and vice versa.
But I’m not so one-sided. My goth side still likes to listen to folk music, and my barefoot hippie appreciates those ass-kicking boots.
It’s okay to be yourself, whatever that means.
I’m a multi-faceted person – we all are. I can dance just as well in my boots or in my bare feet, with black eyeliner or with flowers in my hair. Either way, I’m still me.
I’m a folk singer and a rock singer. I’m a hedge witch and a technopagan. I wear long stripy socks and ass-kicking books, and I’m a tree-hugging hippie. I’m goth and I’m cheerful.
I’m Kyeli, with all that entails.
Who are you?
What are some of your facets? Do they get along, or are they in opposition?
Have you read the Connection Manifesto? It tells the story of why there is so much hurt and sadness in the world, and how we can heal through connection.
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Wow,
What a great post. It kinda sucker punched me into looking at how each of my facets treat each other. I wonder if growing up in the 80′s just ingrains this knee-jerk compartmentalization? All I know today is that worker-bee me is going to be hollering at thinker me for drifting off to ponder. You’ve given me a bunch to process.
I’m a multi-faceted person – we all are. I can dance just as well in my boots or in my bare feet, with black eyeliner or with flowers in my hair. Either way, I’m still me.
And, we and YOU love that person. Thanks for making me think – as always. I know I’ve been missing – but I’m not gone. BP
As in you’d better LOVE her!
wow… I have been struggling to decide what I am, but I never thought of shoes…
There are times I feel like ghelli shoes — the dancer in me wants to take irish dance, to explore the sounds and feeling of dancing and also honouring my path and my past.
There are times I feel like wearing birkenstocks, when I try to be earth conscious, and socialy responsible, folksy hippy girl.
There are times I want to wear the pretty high heels and fancy dresses, I want to wear makeup and go out and be girly and adored.
There are times I feel like army boots, like kicking ass and being the mama lion.
There are times I want to be barefoot and dance under the moon, and be witchy and wild and magickal.
There are times when I want to wear runners and be athletic…
and yet there isn’t ONE thing I am… I feel ashamed about each thing not fitting with the other…
And I don’t NEED to…
My bare-footed hippie side wears invisible ass-kicking boots. You don’t know they’re there until it’s too late.
I feel ashamed of various sides of myself when I’m outwardly being the opposite. Hippie-me is ashamed of goth-me and vice versa
I totally identify with this…not the hippie/goth deal, but the Either/Or….instead of Both/And.
Alannis Morrisette’s song says it all:
I’m a bitch I’m a lover
I’m a child I’m a mother
I’m a sinner I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell I’m your dream
I’m nothin’ in between
You know, you wouldn’t want it any other way
If we were one dimensional it would be so boring. ;)
You know, when I read this my heart started to race. An actual, physical reaction…
Facets…. people crammed into one little head, all jostling for attention and being angry at just having one lifetime to share between them. Oh I so get that.
I am getting better at accepting the different parts of me, but there is still a hierarchy! Some bits I am happy to show to the world, many I show only to a few, and there are still some parts that less than a handful of people are aware of. The thing that bugs me is that I wrestle with compartmentalising my life accordingly – I don’t share huge portions of it with my family for example, and there are some friends that are entirely unaware of huge bits of myself.
That makes me sad. And I never thought about it, until this post. How much energy am I wasting on these sad little ringfences I am putting around my facets? I need a cup of tea…
Life is like a pearl or bead necklace. There is a thread which runs throughout, made of strands, sometimes a little frayed, but unbroken, the constants of your life. Along it are a multitude of different pearls or beads, all different aspects of your personality, different taste, different beliefs, different interests. They can change through life, but make up this beautiful necklace, still you, one whole.
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