Comments on: Negotiation in relationships: 7 concrete things you can do http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/ connect with spirit. connect with others. connect with yourself. change the world. Sat, 11 Feb 2012 21:51:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Motivational Monday! | http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-7459 Motivational Monday! | Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:36:58 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-7459 [...] husband + I read this article from Connection Revolution to each other and really appreciated the sound advice on how to negotiate in your relationship [...] [...] husband + I read this article from Connection Revolution to each other and really appreciated the sound advice on how to negotiate in your relationship [...]

]]> By: Dayspring Photography http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-7288 Dayspring Photography Thu, 29 Sep 2011 10:22:07 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-7288 [...] when I saw this point on communication in a relationship I thought of us and the strange way we’ve calibrated.  I love that our [...] [...] when I saw this point on communication in a relationship I thought of us and the strange way we’ve calibrated.  I love that our [...]

]]> By: Pace http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-6688 Pace Wed, 22 Jun 2011 18:49:12 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-6688 That's awesome, Jennifer! Thanks for sharing your story! If you're interested, there are a bunch more useful communication tips in our book, <a href="http://usualerror.com" rel="nofollow">The Usual Error</a>. That’s awesome, Jennifer! Thanks for sharing your story!

If you’re interested, there are a bunch more useful communication tips in our book, The Usual Error.

]]> By: Jennifer http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-6687 Jennifer Wed, 22 Jun 2011 18:46:21 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-6687 It is so funny that I am reading this today. For the first time ever, my partner and I used the 1-10 scale effectively last night. We have some trouble with negotiating dinner, activities, movies, etc. So I set the scale, but I also defined the scale... 1 = I would rather run away screaming than do this; 10 = I'm so excited to do this that you couldn't stop me if you tried. It worked so well that *after* the activity, we further defined the scale: If one of us is under a 4, we don't do it. If one of us is at a 4/5, the person at the 4/5 decides whether or not they want to "take one for the team." (We're actually able to "take one for the team" for each other without approaching it with a grudge, probably because we allow each other to make the choice.) I can't wait to try your other suggestions!!! Thank you so much for the inspiration. It is so funny that I am reading this today. For the first time ever, my partner and I used the 1-10 scale effectively last night. We have some trouble with negotiating dinner, activities, movies, etc. So I set the scale, but I also defined the scale… 1 = I would rather run away screaming than do this; 10 = I’m so excited to do this that you couldn’t stop me if you tried. It worked so well that *after* the activity, we further defined the scale: If one of us is under a 4, we don’t do it. If one of us is at a 4/5, the person at the 4/5 decides whether or not they want to “take one for the team.” (We’re actually able to “take one for the team” for each other without approaching it with a grudge, probably because we allow each other to make the choice.)

I can’t wait to try your other suggestions!!! Thank you so much for the inspiration.

]]> By: beckyblanton » Blog Archive » 52 Weeks to Awesome http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-4908 beckyblanton » Blog Archive » 52 Weeks to Awesome Mon, 29 Nov 2010 14:53:08 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-4908 [...] sure of the wisdom of strangers? Read this post on negotiating with your partner – and you’ll get a good idea of what they have to [...] [...] sure of the wisdom of strangers? Read this post on negotiating with your partner – and you’ll get a good idea of what they have to [...]

]]> By: Mantic-Angel http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-492 Mantic-Angel Wed, 22 Oct 2008 01:56:05 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-492 I really like section four; it's a sentiment that's been percolating in my head for a while, that healthy boundaries are a balance of yourself and others. Avoiding the excesses of both self-sacrifice and selfishness. I really like section four; it’s a sentiment that’s been percolating in my head for a while, that healthy boundaries are a balance of yourself and others. Avoiding the excesses of both self-sacrifice and selfishness.

]]> By: Pace http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-484 Pace Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:31:09 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-484 @Oliver: Re: "we're on the same team" Right, it only works when the two people are really on the same team. In partner-type relationships, if things are healthy and working well, then I've found that saying "we're on the same team" works really well. But you're right that it can be used manipulatively when the people are NOT on the same team. @Tanya: Oh, fear not, there will be expounding. Four of these points were basically condensed versions of entire chapters of the book. (: @Azzurra: Thanks, I've added it to my wish list! @katrin: Thanks! Yes, the "no one can read your mind" insight is a very important one, and we totally agree with you! @Oliver: Re: “we’re on the same team” Right, it only works when the two people are really on the same team. In partner-type relationships, if things are healthy and working well, then I’ve found that saying “we’re on the same team” works really well. But you’re right that it can be used manipulatively when the people are NOT on the same team.

@Tanya: Oh, fear not, there will be expounding. Four of these points were basically condensed versions of entire chapters of the book. (:

@Azzurra: Thanks, I’ve added it to my wish list!

@katrin: Thanks! Yes, the “no one can read your mind” insight is a very important one, and we totally agree with you!

]]> By: katrin http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-438 katrin Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:53:41 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-438 Your suggestions for negotiation with partners were great. We used some similar approaches in our chapter on relationships in a book we just published for mothers. But after interviewing over 500 women, we realized a HUGE problem women have with their partners is that they assume their wishes are obvious. They don't believe they should need to STATE their wishes, they want their men to be able to FIGURE IT OUT. We saw this over and over again in our focus groups. Our position is: no one can read your mind. If you want something to be done, or for behavior to change, you have to be clear. Put it into words, not angry looks or gestures! At that point, your tips seven come in very handy! Katrin co-author, Mothers Need Time Outs, Too (McGraw-Hill 2008) www.momstimeouts.com Your suggestions for negotiation with partners were great. We used some similar approaches in our chapter on relationships in a book we just published for mothers.

But after interviewing over 500 women, we realized a HUGE problem women have with their partners is that they assume their wishes are obvious. They don’t believe they should need to STATE their wishes, they want their men to be able to FIGURE IT OUT. We saw this over and over again in our focus groups.

Our position is: no one can read your mind. If you want something to be done, or for behavior to change, you have to be clear. Put it into words, not angry looks or gestures!

At that point, your tips seven come in very handy!

Katrin
co-author, Mothers Need Time Outs, Too (McGraw-Hill 2008)
http://www.momstimeouts.com

]]> By: Azzurra http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-436 Azzurra Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:41:50 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-436 In Benjamin's book, the "we're on the same team" thing is handled as "internalize the debate." The step there is for both of you to realize that the values that each holds are also held by the other, but not the same degree or preference. You can read my thesis (google for it) and the second chapter is a summary of Benjamin's book. In Benjamin’s book, the “we’re on the same team” thing is handled as “internalize the debate.” The step there is for both of you to realize that the values that each holds are also held by the other, but not the same degree or preference. You can read my thesis (google for it) and the second chapter is a summary of Benjamin’s book.

]]> By: Azzurra http://connection-revolution.com/negotiating-with-your-partner/comment-page-1/#comment-435 Azzurra Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:40:18 +0000 http://freakrevolution.com/?p=621#comment-435 You might want to consider reading Martin Benjamin's book <i>Splitting the Difference</i> You might want to consider reading Martin Benjamin’s book Splitting the Difference

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