Comments on: Starting over vs. going back to the way things were

By: Tanya

Tanya — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:57:34 +0000

I recommend asking Aunt Melda to tell you about the holiday sweaters she knitted for her cats. Maybe she’ll knit some for your cats next year!

Seriously, we have a lot of family gatherings and some of my relatives are more welcome than others. For those I dislike interacting with, I try to bring in a buffer – don’t make it a one on one conversation. Instead, bring someone else they like talking to and you can both get your Aunt Melda interaction time out of the way at once (plus have a partner in crime!)

Or, there’s always offering to go get them something. A drink… a snack… a souffle… Paris… whatever works. ; )

By: JoVE

JoVE — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 23:07:55 +0000

The problem I have with family gatherings isn’t quite this one. It is the disconnect between who I am and who my parents thought they were raising me to be. When we aren’t together they can focus on those things I do that fit with their image of what I was going to become but when we are together, they notice all the things that they don’t like and then try to act as if I’m being difficult just to annoy them. On occasion my mother has even told me that I don’t believe things I have just told her I believe. Crazy.

Your points are good ones.

By: Ellen Naylor

Ellen Naylor — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 16:52:44 +0000

This is all about living in the present, which is a huge challenge for me and the balancing act of life. I like having some of my past ever present since it’s also the impetus that moves me forward. I don’t like holding onto the baggage of my past that holds me back, and certain events and people are triggers to this baggage, like family as you shared in your blog. Way to be present, Kyeli. You are a wise woman! And I’m sure you will figure out a way to let people know you’ve changed. But remember it’s near impossible to change them, so let it slide if they don’t recognize the changed you. You can just change your attitude and not let it bother you so much!

By: Oliver Danni

Oliver Danni — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:22:40 +0000

Oh man…I don’t even like when people assume I’m the same person as I was YESTERDAY. ;-)

How do you know Aunt Melda hasn’t done any self-work in the last decade, though? Maybe her self-work just didn’t lead her to the same place as yours. ;-)

By: Betsy

Betsy — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:37:47 +0000

oops, hit submit and not notify, fixed!

By: Betsy

Betsy — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:36:32 +0000

Maybe it’s just their lame attempt at an opener? As an older person (I’m 54), I’m hurt when I try to frame a relevant question (granted more relevant than froot loops, hopefully), but they appear too exasperated at having to interact with me at all and respond accordingly. Just happened with someone whose change in PhD focus I was really hoping to hear about. I think what’s unsaid here are the things that might have been better said in the past so the present could be more rewarding and meaningful? Or maybe they really are just old biddies who are best dealt with by pouring another cocktail and keeping interaction to a minimum? :)