This morning, I was singing along to one of my all-time favorite CDs, Tails, by Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories.
When I sing, mainly when I sing when I’m alone in the car, I tend to experiment with trills, harmonies, and various vocal varieties. At one point, I was grinning hugely, because I was really enjoying myself. I was playing with my voice and some of my favorite music, and I was having a huge lot of fun.
Then I realized that this is something new. I wouldn’t have done this a few months ago. I would have been singing along, sure. But I wouldn’t have been playing. I wouldn’t have been experimenting. And I wouldn’t have been having anywhere near as much fun.
I used to identify as a singer. I sing. I have a good voice. I was in choir for eight years, took private voice lessons for four. I’ve performed alone and as a group. I’ve won competitions and medals. I took it all very seriously. I wanted to be a professional singer, but was told that I’d never make a living that way; it wasn’t possible, it wasn’t easy. It was yet another in a series of things I was told I couldn’t do – and I didn’t believe otherwise. I was discouraged. I gave it up. Dropped out of classes, and, eventually, stopped singing.
And somewhere, I dropped the label. And the enjoyment faded along with the dream.
I took the label off – but I couldn’t get the song out of me.
After a while, alone in my car, I started singing. I started putting my voice out there for my ears to hear. I started humming in stores, whistling while I work. Music wound her way back into my heart. I was reminded of how much I enjoy singing, even if I’m not “serious” about it.
Now, today, I am a singer. I define myself. I am what I want to be, and I want to be a singer. I love singing! Even if no one else ever hears me, I am a singer for me. And when I opened up to that, when I let myself feel the possibility, when I stopped pushing myself down… that’s when I sing louder and happier and fuller, every note. That’s when I make myself laugh, when I sing with tears streaming down my face, when I hear myself and love myself and let myself shine.
I am a singer because I sing.
What do you want to be?
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so happy that you’re rediscovering the Singer you are! I love your speaking voice; I can easily see how you’d have a great singing voice too.
I’ve loved music since I was really little. As a kid, I sang and danced all the time. Had a little pink boom box I carried around with me everywhere. I sang and danced in my room. Sang in the bathtub. Sang and danced while I played on the swingset and while I stood in the outfield during T-ball. I danced with abandon in my front yard, completely oblivious to neighbors, cars passing, people walking by. It never occurred to me that these activities that I adored so much, that made me so happy, were only for people that other people deemed “good” at them.
Until I got a little older. And I “learned” to be embarrassed about my voice not being good enough. And I learned that other people shouldn’t see me dance in the yard because that’s embarrassing too. So I stopped.
But then came driving, and I had this space and time where I was all by myself in my car and I could sing all I wanted to. And I loved it all over again. And I found spaces and times when no one else was around and I could dance with utter abandon again.
Then came Now, when I still love to sing and to dance, even though I’m not “good” at either one in a what-would-Simon-Cowell-say way. And I come across a blog post like this that makes me feel so inspired and reminds me that singing is about the joy and love and the “let myself shine” part–not about the “what does someone else think?” part.
And I’m grateful for the reminder, as well as the inspiration.
And I’m going to dance off and sing, thankyouverymuch.
No, really. Thank you *very much* Kyeli. HUGS!!
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Kyeli, what a beautiful expression of self and being. Thank you.
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I’ve often wished I got my creative talent in music rather than the visual. So, can we coax you back to the video posts to sing for us? please……
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In the universe are so many stars. Shining out in all directions they are so wonderful to witness. They dance and they sing and life finds every dark corner. So far away, the stars of the night sky find their way to earth. What a wonderful thing. Now, Kyeli’s star can shine its light into the milky way galaxy and can sing in other night skys. Shine on, beautiful star.
Amen! and Awomen!
:)
I am a Goddess because I want to be one :)
xoxo
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Kyeli,
I’m a singer, a paper airplane maker, a unicycle rider, a thinker, a break the ice player (remember that game, Break The Ice), a dad, a lover, a coworker, a reader, a commenter…
John
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Hmm.
I’m a chef, I’m a music geek, I’m an astrologer. I’m a sketch artist sometimes. Today I’m a packer and a mover and a travel planner, too! We all have a lot of hats to wear.
I love your site. This is fabulous!
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Any time that I here a song, I find myself singing the words. I love music. I have never had any regular voice instruction. My little bitty schools that I attended as a child had music once a week or just at times for special events such as a Christmas program or High School graduation choirs. I always participated in those and loved them. I am told that I have a good voice. I have sang in church choirs also. I love music and singing and don’t really care what other people think about my singing voice. If there is music, I have to hum or sing along. Music is in me, heart and soul. I would miss my vision if I ever lost my sight but losing my hearing would be an absolute disaster because of the music. Don’t get in a car with me and turn on the radio or a CD unless you want to hear me sing.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker’s last blog post..Independence Day
I love music. I took singing lessons, myself, briefly.
My sister had the potential to become an opera singer. She didn’t opt for that, but she could have.
And, well, we both sing. Just because we like to.
I want to be a prophet!
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